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It’s been a couple of seasons since our last Fourth of July Wiffle Ball Rules, and if you’re wondering: Yes, the Fourth of July Wiffle ball “Steroid Era” is over. Home runs are down. Strikeouts are up. The only stuff anyone’s testing positive for: rum and potato salad.
1. To review the essential bylaws: Fourth of July Wiffle ball must be played on (duh) the Fourth of July. The game should probably begin in the late afternoon or early evening, before everyone’s eaten 11 hot dogs. The game is slow pitch, not fast pitch—fast-pitch is for passive-aggressive lunatics. Everyone is welcome, regardless of athleticism or beer count. If you forget everything else, remember these two things: no $200 million contracts for players over 30, and never, ever put a charcoal grill in the outfield.
3. Authentic bases are not necessary for Wiffle ball. You might not even play with bases. If you do, first base can be a beach towel. Second base can be a tube of sunscreen. Third base can be an iPad.
Write to Jason Gay at Jason.Gay@wsj.com